How to calm nerves before a speech

By the speechwriters.ai editorial team · Last updated 20 October 2026

Practical, proven ways to manage nerves before a wedding speech, eulogy or work speech – from preparation in the weeks before to breathing techniques in the final minute.

If the thought of standing up to speak makes your stomach turn, you're in very good company. Fear of public speaking is one of the most common fears there is. The good news is that nerves are manageable, and most of the work happens before the day. Here's a practical plan, from the weeks before to the final minute.

A quick note: what follows is general advice for ordinary speech nerves. If anxiety is seriously affecting your life, it's worth talking to your GP – there's effective help available.

Understand what's happening

The racing heart, dry mouth and shaky hands are your body's normal stress response – the same as before a race or a job interview. It's not a sign that something is wrong; it's a sign that you care. Two things are worth knowing:

• You look far calmer than you feel. Audiences rarely notice nerves. The shake you can feel in your hands is almost invisible from the third row.
• The room wants you to succeed. At a wedding, a funeral or a leaving do, everyone in the room is on your side.

Weeks before: preparation is the best cure

Finish your speech early

Uncertainty fuels anxiety. A speech that's finished a week or two ahead – rather than the night before – gives you time to rehearse, which is the single most effective way to reduce nerves.

Keep it short

A shorter speech is easier to remember, quicker to rehearse and less daunting to deliver. Most wedding speeches should be 5–7 minutes at most. See how long a wedding speech should be and check yours with the speech timer.

Rehearse out loud – lots

Reading silently isn't rehearsal. Say it out loud, standing up, at least five to ten times. Then:

• Record yourself on your phone and listen back. It's uncomfortable but enormously useful.
• Rehearse in front of someone – a partner, a friend, even the dog.
• Practise in different places – the kitchen, the garden, the car. It makes the real venue feel less strange.
• Know your first and last lines by heart. The opening is when nerves peak; the ending is what people remember.

Prepare good notes

Print your speech in large type (at least 16 point), double-spaced, with page numbers – or use numbered cue cards with key phrases. Mark pauses and places to look up. Knowing you can't lose your place takes a lot of pressure off.

On the day

• Eat something. Low blood sugar makes shakiness worse.
• Go easy on alcohol. One drink may take the edge off; more makes you slower, louder and less sharp. Save the celebrating for afterwards.
• Watch the caffeine, which can amplify jitters.
• Check the room before guests arrive: where you'll stand, the microphone, where your notes will go, where you'll put your glass.
• Have water within reach for a dry mouth.

The final ten minutes

Breathe slowly

Slow breathing is one of the quickest ways to calm the body. Try breathing in through your nose for a count of four, then out through your mouth for a count of six to eight. Repeat for a minute or two. The long out-breath is the important part.

Loosen up

Discreetly roll your shoulders, unclench your jaw, wiggle your toes, press your feet into the floor. Tension builds in the body without our noticing.

Reframe the feeling

Instead of telling yourself "I'm nervous", try "I'm excited". The physical sensations are almost identical, and naming them as excitement can help you use the energy rather than fight it.

Focus outward

Remind yourself the speech isn't about you – it's about the couple, the person you're remembering, the colleague who's leaving. Shifting focus from "how do I look?" to "what do I want them to feel?" eases self-consciousness.

While you're speaking

• Pause before you start. Stand, smile, take a breath, look at the room. Then begin.
• Slow down. Nerves speed everyone up. Aim to speak slightly slower than feels natural.
• Find friendly faces and speak to them.
• If your hands shake, rest them on the table or lectern, or hold your cards with both hands.
• If you lose your place, pause, look at your notes, find it, and carry on. A pause feels long to you but natural to everyone else.
• If you get emotional, stop, breathe, sip water. The room will wait – and will think more of you for it.
• Don't apologise for being nervous. Just keep going.

For eulogies

Nerves at a funeral are tangled up with grief, which makes them harder. Give a copy to someone who can read for you if needed – knowing there's a safety net often means you won't need it. See our eulogy writing guide.

Afterwards

Almost everyone who gives a speech feels enormous relief, and most are surprised by how well it went. Enjoy the rest of the day – you've earned it.

Prepare with confidence: use the outline tool to get a clear structure, the room-safety check so you don't worry about a line misfiring, and the speech timer to make sure you're not too long.

Frequently asked questions

How can I stop shaking during a speech?

Rest your hands on a table or hold your notes with both hands, breathe slowly with a long out-breath, and remember the shaking is far less visible than it feels.

Should I drink alcohol before a speech to calm nerves?

One drink at most. More tends to make delivery worse, not better.

How many times should I rehearse a speech?

At least five to ten times out loud, ideally including once in front of someone.

What if I forget what to say?

Use notes or cue cards – they're expected. If you lose your place, pause, find it and carry on.

Related guides

• Best man speech dos and don'ts
• How to write a eulogy: a gentle, practical guide
• How long should a wedding speech be?
• Maid of honour speech: a UK guide with sample lines