Best man speech dos and don'ts

By the speechwriters.ai editorial team · Last updated 20 October 2026

The practical etiquette of a British best man speech: what to do before, during and after, and the mistakes that most often go wrong.

Most best man speeches that go wrong don't fail because the speaker isn't funny. They fail for avoidable reasons: too long, too drunk, too many in-jokes, or one story that should never have left the stag do. This checklist covers the etiquette and practicalities that make the difference, from the weeks before to the moment you sit down.

Before the wedding

Do

• Start early. Begin gathering stories a month or more ahead. Ask the groom's family, old school friends and colleagues for one memory each – you'll get material you'd never have found.
• Find out the running order. Who speaks before you, when speeches happen (before or after the meal), and whether there's a microphone. See wedding speech order in the UK.
• Check the groom's thank-yous so you don't repeat them.
• Ask about sensitivities. A recently bereaved relative, divorced parents, a family rift, a guest who is unwell. One quiet question to the groom or the bride can save a very awkward moment.
• Rehearse out loud at least five times, ideally in front of someone who will be honest.

Don't

• Don't write it the night before. Tired, rushed speeches ramble.
• Don't show the groom the whole thing – a bit of surprise is part of the fun – but do run any risky story past someone who knows the families.
• Don't rely on props or slideshows unless the venue has confirmed the kit works. Technology fails at weddings with astonishing regularity.

Writing the speech

Do

• Stick to a structure: introduction, thank-yous, groom, couple, sincere moment, toast. Our best man structure guide walks through each part.
• Write for the whole room, not just your mates. Every story should make sense to someone who's never met the groom.
• Include the bride or partner warmly. A best man speech that's only about the lads misses the point of the day.
• Keep it to 5–7 minutes. Use the speech timer.

Don't

• Don't mention exes. Not even "the ones before Priya". It's the most common best man mistake and it never goes well.
• Don't tell stag-do stories that need a disclaimer. If you'd have to say "what happens on tour…", it stays on tour.
• Don't swear. Even "bloody" can jar with older relatives.
• Don't make jokes about the marriage failing, about money, about weight or appearance, or about either family's quirks.
• Don't embarrass the bride. Tease the groom; compliment the bride.
• Don't go round the room name-checking every friend. It's dull for everyone else.

On the day

Do

• Limit the drinks until you've spoken. One for courage is fine. Four is how speeches go wrong.
• Print it in large type or use numbered cue cards. Keep a copy on your phone as backup, but don't read from the phone if you can avoid it.
• Find the microphone and test it before guests sit down. Hold it about a hand's width from your mouth.
• Stand up straight, look up between lines, and find a few friendly faces to speak to.
• Pause for laughs. Wait for them to finish before you carry on.

Don't

• Don't apologise for being nervous or for the speech being rubbish. It sets the room up to expect the worst.
• Don't ad-lib new material after a few drinks. Stick to what you rehearsed.
• Don't respond to heckles beyond a quick smile – a well-meaning uncle shouting out can derail you.
• Don't rush the toast. Ask everyone to stand, wait, then toast.

After the speech

• Give the groom a copy of your speech. Many couples keep them.
• Thank the couple for asking you – and then relax. Your main job is done.

The five-second check for any story

Before keeping a story, ask:

1. Would the bride's grandmother understand it?
2. Would she smile at it?
3. Would the groom be happy for his new in-laws to hear it?
4. Does it say something good about him in the end?
5. Can I tell it in under a minute?

Five yeses and it stays. Our room-safety check will flag the most common risks – exes, swearing, drinking stories and in-jokes – automatically.

Frequently asked questions

Should the best man mention the bride's ex or the groom's ex?

No, never. Even affectionate or joking references can hurt people on the day and are the most common reason best man speeches go wrong.

How much should a best man drink before the speech?

As little as you can manage. One drink to settle nerves is fine; save the rest for after you've spoken.

Do I need to memorise my speech?

No. Notes or cue cards are normal and expected. Rehearse enough that you can look up from them regularly.

What if the groom asks me to keep it clean?

Do exactly that. It's his day, and a clean speech with good stories is always funnier than a crude one.

Related guides

• Best man speech structure: a UK template that works
• Funny best man speech examples (that won't upset Gran)
• How to calm nerves before a speech
• Wedding speech order in the UK: traditional and modern